Beautiful

I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining. 

I believe in love even when I am alone. 

I believe in God even when He is silent.

Written by a Jew on the walls of a hideout during the holocaust.

Eat Pray Love

“I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, 

that … you cannot feel them,

… that ye may know … that I, the Lord God, 

do visit my people in their afflictions.

“And … the Lord did strengthen them 

that they could bear up their burdens with ease, 

and they did submit cheerfully and

with patience to all the will of the Lord.” 

 Mosiah 24:12, 14–15

^{I would first like to share with you how lifted up I have been throughout the difficulties in my marriage and this divorce. And I don't know what I did to deserve it or understand how the Lord loves us so completely. Yet, he has let me grow. I pray that He continues to let me grow in this gospel and to heal along the way. I am in a place where I'm ready to heal and move on to the beautiful things this life has to offer.}

^*****

Last weekend I watched Hope Floats with Angie (one of my two favorite sisters-in-law). I have always loved it and I can't pinpoint why, other than relating to the daughter's struggles with her parents' divorce. Something about that night put me in a fragile state and, whoa, did this movie hit me hard. I was in a constant state of tearfulness. But you know, it felt good. I'm ready to feel the sadness. And luckily, Angie is a true friend who feels the spirit and we had one of those late night talks that I couldn't be more grateful for. She reminded me that the Savior and his Atonement are the key to my healing process. I know that He is there for me in this capacity, but sometimes it is so difficult to believe that he can do, and does, all of this just for me. I still doesn't seem real that I can be this blessed.

I found this whole week to be a tearful one, though not an overly sad one. I also had a great, tearful (imagine that) conversation with a dear aunt. She has always been an example to me of the how to live the gospel. In fact, I have often referred to her in visiting teaching messages of how we need to teach kids the gospel. I am convinced that her 10 & 8-yr-old daughters (?) know more about the gospel than I do.

She shared with me that she put my name in the temple this last weekend. While that is always a thoughtful thing to do, I was especially touched because the buzz among my family is how well I seem to be doing. And I am! Really. But that doesn't mean that I don't still face difficult things and need all the help I can get. I am so grateful to her for being in tune with the Spirit and including me when it looks like I may not need it.

And I love her for crying with me. How true of a friend is that...

I ended this week by watching Eat Pray Love and oh my goodness! You'll never believe what I did during that movie... There were so many things that resonated with my soul. I couldn't keep enough tissues around. While the chick flick thing is kinda silly, I actually feel like it helped bring some things to the surface that I needed to be reminded of or look at from a slightly different angle. Yay for good tears!

I do feel that it is important that we share our struggles. There is healing in doing so, as well as a great bond that develops when we allow others in. However, please don't think that I cried all week. I had plenty of time to go to Zumba, go salsa dancing, and hang out with two of my favorite little people. I'm in a growing place.

*****

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..." -- Hope Floats

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." -- Eat Pray Love

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."-- Eat Pray Love

"I remember an old catholic joke about a man who spent his whole life going to a church every day and prayed to the statue of a great saint begging "please, please, please, let me win the lottery." Finally the exasperated statue comes to life and looks down at the begging man and says "my son, please, please, please, buy a ticket." So now I get the joke, and I bought three tickets." -- Eat Pray Love