Eleven years ago today my grandma passed away. It has been on my mind all day. And it was her birthday on Tuesday. I miss her so. She and I had such a special bond. I showed up late to her viewing and it didn't seem like the crying started until I got there, an aunt whispering in my ear how much she loved me. I've referred to myself more than once as the ninth child, spending memorable portions of my summers in Dry Fork with them. At the family reunion last summer all her kids and I were called to the picnic tables to identify some of her belongings; I was touched to be considered part of her children, especially to realize that I had a fair share of knowledge about the items to share. She loved to read, even though she was a slow reader. She was always crocheting, knitting, quilting... things she all taught me. I remember riding on a plane in elementary school, around seven years old, and crocheting, wondering why people were looking at me so funny. She wrote letters every morning, incessantly; I think I'm more inclined to sit down and hand write a letter or card than most people because of her example. I associate Grandma with her bottled pears, chocolate hidden all over the house, and freshly baked bread. Her home was always a place of safety and comfort for me.
Consuming my mind even more is the seven month anniversary of our divorce that also occurred today. While there have been some long moments, it has also passed quickly. I can't wait until I am in a place where I don't notice the monthly marks, maybe just the years. I hope I can reach a point where I don't measure time since he left, where my life has become about me again. I hope the 28th can become just another day. He proposed five years ago tomorrow.
Today wasn't just about the death of my grandma and my marriage, it was also a day of possibilities. Something about my writing class this week has breathed a life into me that only comes through words, mine or others'. While I still don't have a specific direction for life after graduation, I think the GRE (required to go to grad school) will be in my future, just in case.
